A mother’s guilt.

30/12/2013 § Leave a comment

I know I’m not alone. I wished that there was some sort of report card to tell me how I’m doing as a mom. At least, to manage my own expectations.

I’ve been spending a good amount of time on my etsy store, and this has been taking time away from Am. Despite the deep guilt, I’m really really LOVE what I’m doing and my small success, by far, has made me feel it’s worth the while.

The ultimate objective of it all, is to make it a home-grown business (hopefully), so that I get more flexible hours and would be able to spend some time with her. Needless to say, when I come across articles like “Letters to working mum – Stop feeling so guilty”, orĀ  any thing that says “a woman must be happy, then her family will be happy”. It helps ease the guilt away for a while.

For the last 6 months, I have been working till the wee hours in the morning creating new designs for my etsy store. Caught a few hours of sleep, charged to work, only to feel spend 9 solid hours of consultations with students.

When I’m back, and faced with Am, she only gets what’s left of me. It makes me feel sad because it’s not fair for her.

It also doesn’t help when I chance upon Facebook posts of mother friends displaying how much effort they’ve put into teaching their children, and how much progress their children made after that. My guilt is magnified.

Since things like that frustrates me and when I see multiple feeds from them on the same occasion, I profile them under the acquaintance list, so that their feed don’t show up anymore. On sever cases, I “block” them totally. (I know it’s petty, but it helps to me keep my sanity)

Also, I haven’t been blogging about her for a while. She has grown so much and there’s so much I wish to blog about. Just lack of time. Anyway, to sum it up, here’s a quote about little ones that I’ve created a few weeks back.

Image

From HelloAm. See it here.

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